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Sunday, 15 May 2016

how not to date; tinder




Tinder, the dating app which matches you with your future soulmates based entirely on looks. Simple eh. Most people who have used it call it a game, it's so easy to waste hours on it swiping to your hearts content. Most matches just sit in your list ignored and unloved but occasionally a conversation strikes up with a reasonably attractive man and off you go swapping numbers with the potential of a date on the horizon. 

Now I know tinder has a bad rep, used for meaningless hookups but I'm SURE some of the men out there want a little more. I'm not too sure what I want from it apart from potential. I want a dinner date buddy, someone to come to the cinema with me as too many of my friends are coupled up and settled into adult life (good for them though, green with envy over here). But choosing between the guy with the baby in his profile picture (is it his?, is it reaally his niece? & do I really want to get involved?) and the 'high flying accountant who lives in London' is surprisingly hard. Especially because they don't message you back, ever. And don't forget the detective research you gotta do: stalk their instagram, find them on facebook, stalk his ex girlfriends new boyfriends mum before you decide to swipe right and before you know it you've joined MI6 and written his family tree.  

I will be sharing some of my tinder stories with y'all in another post as although highly amusing with my lame life I feel the need to share. I'd love to hear other peoples tinder experiences good & bad and the amusing would definitely be appreciated. Give me all the goss. 

 MY TOP TEN NO'S FOR GUYS.

 1. Don't start off with "wanna shag". It's far from delightful, it's unwanted and you'll get blocked ASAP. Unless that's what you're after of course, no judging here. 

 2. Group photos. WHO ARE YOU? ARE YOU THE HOT ONE? nine times out of ten they're the short, balding uncomfortable looking one.

 3. Stereotypical travelling photo, usually with drugged up tigers or elephants and often with your ex girlfriend.

 4. No head shots- how am I meant to know what your face looks like? Am I going to be catfished? 

 5. Again, headless shots of your 'smokin' hot bod'. *round of applause* You've got a six pack or at least a half hearted one and that last picture of you is pretty much soft porn, look away now & swipe left before it's too late.

 6. Gym pictures, see number 5. SO IMPRESSIVE. 

 7. Anchorman quotes; 'work hard, play harder', 'I love the gym', or even a good old 'why does my height matter'. BECAUSE I'M TALL AND I DON'T WANT TO TURN UP AND MEET YOU AND BE THREE INCHES TALLER THAN YOU. IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME. No, just no. 

 8. Ignoring me, or better still saying hi and then ignoring me. Don't waste my time. Yeah even those few minutes.

 9. Car pictures, wow, that's a super like from me. Even cat/dog pictures, yes you've just made me swipe right but that's unfair. Tricked me. 

10. PICTURES OF YOU AND YOUR WIFE.


 please give me all your pet hates in regards to tinder, guys. & for my own personal interest -has anyone actually been successful with tinder? do tell, give us lonely bunch your top tips.


14 comments

  1. This is the story of my life, everyone is settling down and I'm mistaking fuckboys for potentials :') and yet, I remain on tinder.. xxx

    Sam // What I Know Now

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